A little over a year ago, I was in pretty bad shape. I had been through several “Prodigal Years,” as one of our wise Elders describes the times when we, like the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32), take the abundance that our Father has given us and walk away from Him, squandering His gifts all the way.
Because of my rebellion, relationships were strained. My heart was sick. My path was dark before me. “Shifting sand. Shifting sand,” rang in my mind. I truly felt like I had nothing stable on which to stand, and nothing to hold on to in my instability.
So, more in defiance and desperation than humility and repentance, I turned to God. “So,” I said to God, “I’ll give you a chance to prove You are Who You say You are.” (Now, that’s just a laugh riot isn’t it? I (wretched sinner) am going to give You (Creator of the Universe) a chance. Riiiiiight.)
I committed to Him that I would complete a devotional – would be in the Word – for at least 30 minutes a day. I can’t remember if I “gave” him a certain number of weeks or months to “prove Himself.” If I did, it was a moot point anyway. My Dear Abba-Daddy – just as the father of the prodigal son, had been waiting eagerly for my return to Him. After even that half-hearted act of obediance, He ran to me! He placed robes on my shoulders and rings on my fingers! He set a place for me at His table forever! That, Brothers and Sisters, is Amazing Grace.
So, once the unfathomable mercy and grace of my Father drove me to my knees where I belonged, I began to diligently seek His will for me. That’s where His 2X4s came in. Here is an excerpt from my prayer journal, dated January 5, 2012:
Please, please, please help me understand my part. You know I’m completely obtuse when it comes to hearing and/or understanding You. Bring out the 2X4s if You have to – if You are close enough to use them on me, I think that’s all I’ll need.
Here’s how it went: I would read my devotional at home. Pastor would teach the exact same scripture from the pulpit the following Sunday. Wednesday night Bible study: exact same scripture. A book borrowed from a friend: exact same scripture. I promise I am not making this up. I have witnesses!
My first 2X4 was assurance of God’s sovereignty. Genesis. Joseph. The it. The only One who could get him out: El Elyon – God Most High. Scripture references: Gen. 42:6; 45:5,7-8; 50:20. And that book my friend loaned me: Beth Moore’s Get Out of that Pit. Scripture reference: Psalm 40.
Throughout 2012, the 2X4s came fast and hard. Double mindedness: WHACK!! Bad. Cheerful giving: WHACK!! Good. Believing Satan’s lies: WHACK!! Bad. Really bad. Walking in the Truth of who I am in Christ: WHACK!! Good. Really, Really good. The key, in fact, to Freedom.
In a year filled with miracles before my eyes, God’s BEST firework might have been on December 16, the Sunday after the unthinkable tragedy in Connecticut. Pastor called the church to prayer for the victims, the families, the nation. He cited Psalm 40 to give us some hope.
Psalm 40. The pit.
So in 2012, through my devotional life and study of His Word, God brought me full circle: from the pit…back to the pit. But oh! how different it looks to me now! Instead of seeing it from its bottom, feet sinking in the shifting sand, hands grasping in vain at the sheer walls, I see it from the Rock that I stand on now, with a new song in my mouth. Amazing Grace…