“I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.” -Psalm 40:1-3
Feed the twins. Change diapers. Clean the house. Bathe the babies. Read to the two year old. Correct the four year old. Wash another mountain of laundry. Make a meal. Fall into bed, exhausted. Repeat.
This was the rhythm of my life for several years. No doubt, there were many sweet moments in these years; however, as I think back to those days, my primary impression is anxiety and isolation and sometimes despair. Those were years that the Lord taught me lessons that, thanks to his mysterious compassion, I could not have learned any other way.
As I read the chapter on William Cowper in John Piper’s The Hidden Smile of God, I remembered with fresh hope those hard days. Many of the lessons Piper teaches us from Cowper’s life are similar to the ones I learned and continue to see the fruit of in my own life.
Cowper was a complex person. He was sublimely gifted with a creative and artistic mind. His words of poetry remain a blessing to the world. At the same time, he possessed an often tortured soul. When he was in his thirties, he found himself in the depths of despair; thus, as was the common treatment of that age, Cowper was committed to an insane asylum. Through God’s kindness, a doctor there cared both for his mind and his soul. Cowper’s eyes were opened to the beauty of the Gospel, and he was saved.
After his conversion, Cowper suffered many more seasons of depression. During this time, he received a precious gift: a friend. John Newton, the famed pastor and writer of “Amazing Grace” befriended Cowper. As a pastor, Newton constantly attended to the work of God in and through his flock. Newton became Cowper’s affectionate friend. One of the most profound gifts he offered Cowper was the opportunity to minister to others through hymn-writing.
Through the years of their friendship, Newton stood by his friend through his many swings in and out of mental stability. This brings to mind one of the primary balms God brought to my soul during my own tumultuous years. There were friends that stepped into my life who spoke words of truth and healing. These ladies helped me to see outside of my circumstance. They also encouraged me to seek counseling and to make practical changes to my day-to-day life. Graciously, these friends remained steadfast when I was not easy to love. After these many years, I have had the opportunity to walk with these dear ones through their own trials. Truly, friendship is a precious gift from the Lord.
Cowper was a part of Newton’s church, so Newton related to Cowper as both pastor and friend. One of the supreme blessings for my own health and the health of my family was our move several years ago to The Grove Church. During my most difficult years, when the children were young, we attended a church that was an hour away from home. The people there were gracious, but only a low level of community can be built at that distance. Through the Lord’s kind providence, we moved to The Grove. Between the robust teaching we found and the warm, genuine community, our lives became much more stable and joyful. There is absolutely no replacement for the local church.
In Piper’s pastoral counsel section of the chapter, he says that “we fortify ourselves against the dark hours of depression by cultivating a deep distrust of the certainties of despair.” Before reading this chapter, these words have already proven true time and time again in my own life. In fact, this may be one of the most important pieces of advice the struggling Christian can possess. When anxiety or depression come calling, our brain insists on “certainties” that any other time we would disbelieve. Keeping this advice in our “mental-health tool-kit” is invaluable. We must always, always insist on preaching the truth to our own minds.
Piper also encourages readers to remember that “for the most part, mental health is the use of the mind to focus on worthy reality outside ourselves.” While there are times when it is healthy to examine ourselves, including the state of our souls, and self-care most certainly has its place, it is generally most helpful to keep our gaze outward. In particular, looking to the character of God and the patterns of rest and work that he prescribes helps us to maintain balance.
For many years, I have clung to Cowper’s beautiful words:
Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill,
He treasures up his bright designs
And works his sovereign will.
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.
(from William Cowper’s hymn, “God Moves in a Mysterious Way”)
My prayer is that all who know this dark night of the soul will also take courage. Our God is well-capable of caring for you. As the psalmist says in Psalm 40, the Lord will incline to you and hear your cry. Run to him and be open to the church community around you. You are never alone.
Article written by Jeanna Ryan on a portion of The Hidden Smile of God by John Piper.